oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
