Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
