OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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