I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
