i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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