he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize