I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
