we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
