Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
