This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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