I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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