so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
