So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
thus making me awesome and them whores
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
