He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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