Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So squirting runs in the family.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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