DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
