Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
