just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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