ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
