Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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