fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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