i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
