I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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