She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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