Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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