apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
