Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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