We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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