just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
