This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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