She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
