I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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