the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
