those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
