Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
