taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize