so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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