i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
