She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize