FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
