I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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