like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize