I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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