I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
