HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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