Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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