I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
