you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
