your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
