Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
