So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
