somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
