Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
