He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
