At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
