wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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