I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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