I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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