How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
