So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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