You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Green mimosas i think yes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
