you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
