People with herpes should wear stickers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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