It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
