While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
