Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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