Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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