y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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