Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
