Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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